Definition of Conflict ResolutionThe process of achieving a peaceful resolution to interpersonal conflict.
Conflict resolution doesn't include the grand diplomacy involved in resolving conflicts between large groups such as societies or communities but rather applies to the process of social conflict between individuals. The following are common conflict resolution approaches.
Defusing Tension
Emotions can run quite high and this can happen very quickly when interpersonal conflict erupts. The first thing you want to do in this situation is find some way to bring everyone's emotions back down to some reasonable state. In this context, it's important to mention that provoking someone to try to send them completely off the rails isn't a great idea. One way to defuse tension, is to validate the other person's feelings. For example, "I know it's really cramped and uncomfortable on this airplane and I totally feel frustrated too."Difficult Conversations
Initiating conversations to address conflict or potential conflict. For example, if a coworker shows you much disrespect in a meeting you might talk to them one to one and calmly ask them to demonstrate more courtesy and professionalism towards you.Emotional Regulation
Learning to cope with surging emotions without losing it. Trying to look at your emotions objectively can help. For example, realizing that anger is clouding your judgement at a point in time and thinking that you'd better calm down before dealing with a problem. Strangely, having a sense of humor about yourself can help in these situations whereby you can see that emotions are absurdly strong sometimes. This is important even if you are facilitating conflict resolution between others because people may try to trigger your emotions in these intensive situations.Dialogue
The more that you can talk things out and the more that you can keep this dialogue constructive, the better your chances of resolving a conflict.Common Ground
Pointing to any type of common ground between sides in the conflict. This can include common memberships, goals or situations. For example, "we both want to do what's best for the team here."Grit
Grit is courage, resolve and social resilience whereby you are not easily pushed around by others. The solution to conflict is not always to simply give in to the other side as this may generate more problems.Humility
The last thing you need in a social conflict is an inflated ego. One trick here is to look at yourself in the same light that you are directing at the other side. If you think the other side is being disrespectful, reflect if you have done anything disrespectful. Humility is not to be confused with being timid, it is a willingness to see your own weaknesses and strengths in a realistic light.Maintaining Perspective
Take a step back and perform a sanity check. Does any of this really matter? For example, if you are in a intensive political argument in social media that is stressing you out you might question why you are engaged in this in the first place. Sometimes it makes sense to walk away without winning every argument.Negotiation Tactics
Trying to negotiate with the other side to come to an agreement to end a dispute. When it comes to resolving conflict, this isn't about being tricky but rather in finding some win-win situation that benefits all sides. For example, if your neighbor below you in your building is upset about the noise made by your children you might negotiate a deal where you promise to keep the children quiet after 8pm if the neighbor agrees to be tolerant of the noise at all other times.Perspective-Taking
Perspective-taking is the process of considering things from the perspective of others. This is a basic social ability that allows you to understand how the other side is thinking and feeling. For example, a customer service representative who can see that a customer feels frustrated at their lost time in dealing with an issue. This type of insight is critical as they can say "I know you've spend a lot of time on this issue and that your time is very important. We are sorry and are working to resolve it quickly."Respectful Disagreement
Remaining polite in a disagreement goes a long way in defusing tension. For example, if you continue to address someone with a polite prefix such as Sir or Ma'am. Details are important here such as your intonation and tone of voice that continues to convey patience and respect.Personal Presence
Personal presence is how you are generally perceived by others. In a conflict situation, one person may come off as mature, patient and cooperative while another may come off as bitter, sarcastic and petty. This general impression is greatly going to impact how people react to you.Tactful Response
Carefully consider your responses and frame your responses to be considerate, respectful and diplomatic. Avoid responses that are negative in some way such as sarcasm or harsh direct criticism.Saving Face
Saving face is the practice of helping others not to become embarrassed. This tends to be important to collectivist cultures where your status within a group is so important that embarrassment in front of the group is considered unthinkable. For example, if you need to give negative feedback to an employee on your team, do it with constructive criticism or avoid doing it in front of your entire team.Taking the High Road
There is a temptation in conflict to lower your behavior to match the poor behavior of others. This can make you look like the bad guy and should be avoided. Allowing others to influence your behavior by triggering your emotions allows you to be manipulated by others and is a weakness in conflict resolution situations. Taking the high road is the practice of becoming all the more polite when faced with impoliteness and all the more calm when faced with someone who is losing it. This is easy to say and difficult to do in practice.Seeking Help
Never try to resolve a conflict on your own where you are over your head. Ask for help. This can mean contacting those with authority to deal with conflicts that have gone too far. Seeking help can also involve seeking advice, counseling, facilitation or mediation. For example, if you are being bullied it is important to ask from help from your school and your parents. There are often things that can be done to solve a problem that are beyond your capabilities to do alone.Walking Away
In some cases, it does make sense to simply walk away from conflict. You don't need to win arguments with angry strangers in the street for example. Changes that actually impact your life such as switching schools or jobs should be carefully considered before making a drastic change to avoid conflicts that could be resolved. However, if you consider an environment to be toxic, a change may truly resolve many problems.Examples of Interpersonal Conflict
The following are a few examples of what is meant by interpersonal conflict.A stranger is angry about the behavior of your pet. | Accidents and incidents with strangers such as a bicyclist who feels a car cut them off. |
An employee who feels negative feedback isn't fair. | Clashes between members of a sports team when the team is under pressure to perform. |
Couple's arguments. | Customers who feel disrespected and poorly treated. |
Disagreements between roommates. | Disputes between neighbors over noise. |
Family arguments. | Friends who fallout whereby one feels betrayed. |
Intensive office politics at work. | Negative gossip and other passive aggressive behaviors. |
Parent-teenager arguments. | Parents who bully a teacher, coach or referee. |
Political debates that become overheated. | Problems with a school bully. |
Social media arguments with friends or relatives. | Workplace bullying. |
